Weekend Getaway...

Tomorrow morning I will get up and leave around 4am for a very long, cold and rainy three days away from my baby boy. This is actually the longest I will have been separated from John since he was born. I am very grateful for having been near and with my son the last 20 months, as I realize this is not plausible for many women because of work and I was fortunate to sidestep many training exercises abroad while still on active duty. Nonetheless, I am still on edge about leaving and decided to blog about it this week.

This 36 hour drill will also likely be the end of my nursing endeavor. We've made it this far and even though I had wanted to breastfeed for two years, part of me is ready to close this chapter. I have been able to reduce John's nursing sessions from three a day just once at night before bed over the course this last month. This is quite a feat for us, because just two or three months ago John has STILL been waking once or twice throughout the night for comfort milk.  And even now that I won't give him mommy's milk when he signs for it or says 'ne-ne' the little guy makes a valiant effort trying to help himself by digging down my shirt. It's so special that even if he can't nurse he takes comfort in being near the breast.

FAST FORWARD...

Sorry I didn't get around to publishing this until today. Last week got too busy and I wasn't able to finish up before taking off for the weekend. And I'm glad that it worked out that way so you can have closure on the aforementioned big event. As it turns out, the weather got a little crazy, cold and icy so I actually spent three nights and three days away leaving Thursday night as to avoid early morning traffic and colder temperatures. So anyway, the time away served us both well giving John time to bond with his cousin Kolbey, Grandpa and Grandma Sanders and his daddy. I was able to enjoy a little bit of rest in the evenings, caught up on some reading and really just disconnected from my regular routine. These are great strides for our little family since John is a bit of a 'momma's boy' spending the majority of his time with me at home.

My training at the unit also turned out to be quite adventurous and not as arduous as I had been dreading. Well I guess it wasn't so much the training itself I was fretting but the cold weather and John withdraws. Despite the bone chilling temperatures we adapted the schedule to accommodate the soldiers quite nicely; the PT test was cancelled, our entire company of about 40 all successfully zeroed and qualified, and we were even cut loose early on Sunday so folks could make it home before dark and snow set in. I also came to the realization that my unit is pretty bad a**. The PSYOP community as a whole is very educated, insightful and down right entertaining. There are some characters in my company that can make a long, cold day at the range bearable with their quick whit, improvisation and good attitude. This was a fresh breath of air for me since there had been dubiousness and deliberation over the whole idea of staying in the Army Reserves. The whole purpose of leaving active duty was to have more time with my baby boy and now I found myself continually going over the pros and cons of sticking with reserves trying to balance the time commitment required to be a weekend warrior.

Coincidentally, that which I feared has made me stronger.  After enduring the weekend and overcoming my trepidation I shall remain a mommy soldier and do it valiantly so.  Most of  my fellow soldiers share this same sense of pride and honor that comes with wearing our uniform and serving this great country.  Being a leader brings me and even greater feeling of belonging. It is so inspiring to motivate other courageous men and women of distinction. And that my friends, is something I am very grateful for as we enter the Thanksgiving holiday and celebration. I am thankful for my family that supports my in all endeavors, my Army sisters and brothers that trust me to lead and succeed and finally for the ability to overcome my fears.

"Always do what you are afraid to do."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Winter Blues

I really don't like cold weather. And after spending the last four years in Hawaii I will not be ready for this bone chilling months ahead here in Oklahoma. Winter isn't even all that bad in this state compared to say Michigan, but I have never been very fond of cooler temperatures. Maybe it's because I enjoy the outdoors so much and can't play as often when it's so chilly. Nonetheless, the temperature here in Tulsa dropped about 30 degrees over the last 24 hours and had me contemplating the preparation needed before a winter season. I also started thinking about the changing of seasons in general and why it's all necessary.

Most folks know that when it starts to get cold you need to get the house ready; ensure your pipes don't freeze with insulation, clear the chimney/furnace so you can use the fireplace/heater, clean the gutters, stock up non-perishable essentials, etc. The car will also need winterizing so don't forget to buy some antifreeze, throw an ice scraper in the trunk and maybe even some buy some snow tires. Those with pools and gardens have some extra work to do too. Breaking out the sweaters, coats and boots is fun! Unless they're buried in your garage under boxes of random stuff you haven't had a chance to unpack since moving :)

How about emotionally planning for winter? Depression runs rampant during the cold, dark and dreary winter months because people feel alienated, lonely and just plain bored. Are you ready to stay inside most of the day? Have you planned inside activities for you and your kids? Many doctors also recommend supplementing with vitamin D during the winter because you usually cant get enough from the sun. My favorite bible verses for hard times like winter are found in the book of Romans, chapter 5: 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Would we really appreciate and enjoy the spring, summer, fall if it not for winter? Can you imagine the joy of spring flowers without persevering through a cold winter; it would be substantially less and I would even venture to say the law of diminishing returns would probably remove all excitement after several winter-less years. I had the bug man come spray a bit last week since the colder weather is forcing creepy, crawlers into my warm little duplex. If we didn't have several months of freezing temperatures I bet we would soon be overrun with bugs! Hawaii has a huge problem with termites. Why, you ask? Because there is no cold weather to kill them off. The one souvenir I could live without-- termites are scary. They can destroy a whole house from the inside out, just chomping away at the wood in your foundation and furniture.

In closing, I want to encourage you to get ready for the winter. Not just your house, your lawn or your car, but mentally and emotionally. Don't ever lose hope, because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and a spring at the end of winter. The hardships will make you stronger and the strength will shape your character.  

Intentional

**WARNING** You may not like what you're about to read-- this could quite possibly turn the world as you know it, upside down. It's time to turn off the cell phone, log off of facebook and start living your life on purpose. I'm not going the Rick Warren direction here (not that it's a bad direction, or a bad book, just not the way I'm headed today). I'm talking about unplugging all the electronics we've grown accustomed to using the last decade and personally connecting with others and being real with yourself. We've become so saturated in technology lately that we can't even enjoy the simple things in life. I'm talking about relationships. Investing time into your family (especially if you have kids) and friends.

So I just started reading Becoming Myself by Stasi Eldredge last week and I've got to share a few nuggets that have really stuck with me, as they relate to my blog subject. If you don't know the author, Stasi and her husband John have an awesome ministry called Ransomed Heart and they both have written some great books about growing closer to Jesus and learning from your history/upbringing. This book is similar to one of my other favorites by the couple, Captivating, but in this book (at least so far) Stasi is on her own and delving more into the practicality of being a woman. I finished the third chapter yesterday that discusses the importance of understanding hormones of women and how much impact they really have on us every single day (hope I haven't lost my male readers yet... this isn't all about PMS and puppies). A lot of us don't even know how a woman's menstrual cycle varies throughout the month and effects our mind, body and spirit.

Anyway, right now I am in the fifth chapter and reading about the many roles and functions of a mother. Stasi is encouraging readers who may be mothers not to dwell on oneself, but instead to think on how their mother has contributed to who they are today. Asking such probing questions like, 'Did your mother nurture, love and meet your every need or did you grow up searching for someone to fill that void?' Let's revisit the hormone mystery of a woman... did mom sit you down for a 'birds and bees' chat in early adolescence or were you left to chart those dangerous waters alone? She even uses science to support her case for the importance of motherhood discussing the connection between mom and baby during gestation. Babies develop much differently when birthed into a loving, healthy, happily expectant set of parents vice a couple that was not hoping for a new addition or a mother who is stressed, unhappy and dreading the day her baby arrives.

I won't go into all the details, but I listed a few to set up my theory here that too few families are doing what they most need; living an intentional, emotionally connected and purposeful life. I'm talking about planning a week long camping trip in the woods with your mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, grandma, grandpa, son, daughter... whomever you call an immediate family member and just spending time talking, laughing, crying, walking, running, fishing, anything without a laptop, TV or cell phone! Now don't get me wrong, one week out of the whole year for a family vacation isn't going to cut it, but just might be the jump-start you need. The core of what I am recommending here is just investing into the relationships you have. Cherish those beautiful kids God gave you, turn off the TV and play a board game. Teach your son how to build a tree house, take your daughter out to ice cream and plan to lead them through the tough places in life (first day of school, puberty, peer pressure, college, dating/courting, marriage, etc.) Too often we are consumed in the daily hustle of trying to pay the bills, save for retirement, buy a new car, watch the news, clean the house, do the laundry, wash the car that we don't make time for the things that really matter most.

Whether you had awesome parents or not so amazing ones, think about the way you were raised and how the early years of life shape your character today. What do you want to pass on, repeat and do the same? What are you going to do different, do better and make a stand to change forever? No matter what answers you come up with I can guarantee it's going to take time and reflection and intention to do. Let's get in the drivers seat of our own life and head the direction we want. Proactive instead of reactive. I want to close with one of my favorite quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson. “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”